It comes as a shock to many people to realize that they feel emotionally empty not because their partner hasn’t been making emotional deposits but because their bucket has a hole in it. Here are some possible holes in the bucket. Plug them up and security and confidence increase.
1. Fear of rejection. Learn from the guy who made it his goal to overcome his debilitating fear of rejection by purposely getting himself rejected many times. It’s a hilarious and helpful tale. CLICK HERE to listen and CLICK HERE to read.
2. Low self esteem. Our worth doesn’t depend on other’s approval. Make a list of your good traits and remind yourself, “God don’t make no junk.”
3. Inner critics. Give that negative voice in your head a name (not your own, pick a random one) and say, “Beat it, buster. I’m no loser; let me remind you how I’ve succeeded….” and then list all the evidences that you’re not a loser.
4. Subjectivity. Look at past rejections objectively, through a new frame. Instead of thinking, “I am unlovable,” remind yourself, “They are unloving.” This makes a huge difference.
5. Comparison. We can always find somebody better than us. But if we knew their failings, weaknesses, and flaws we wouldn’t be so envious.
6. Entitlement. Being in a relationship does not mean we own our partner’s time, love, or life. Quit clinging and let them go.
7. Lack of forgiveness. We can’t undo past betrayals. But we can (over time) forgive them.
8. What ifs? Our brains are notorious for hammering us with worst case scenarios. Tell your brain to cut it out!
9. Inadequacy. We’re all inadequate; nobody can do everything. Accept your limitations and celebrate your unique talents, skills, and gifts.
Next: A Bucket Info-graphic
NOTE: This is the 200th blog post on this site.